A SESSION WITH MY THERAPIST

This morning while riding the train I thought about how lately I've been all over the place emotionally. I'm usually a mess, however for some reason its been really bad these past few weeks. I think a majority of it has to do with work and me just needing a break from it all. Anyway, whenever I get in one of my moods I turn to my trusty ipod. I immediately feel better after a session with my ipod and this time around Monica's my therapist. I have been bumping her cd nonstop for 2 weeks straight and if you know me you know I can kill a song. Thankfully I'm not tired of her yet. My favorites are Superman (awwwww...lol), Love All Over Me, One in a Lifetime and Everything To Me (of course). This album is so me and if you're not inlove it makes you want to be.

So what songs are you loving right now?

~Black Orchid~

THE OPRAH SHOW

Today I was watching the Oprah Show and the following quote was spoken "We shop to fill a void. We shop to bridge the gap between the person we are and the person we want to be." This may or may not be true, however it got me thinking. When I shop who am I trying to be? The words that automatically come to mind are, chic, elegant, classic and feminine all of this coming together to create "the baddest bitch".......lol. So my question to you all is: When you shop what key words come to mind and who are you trying to be? Now if your answer is "I shop for myself" dig deeper, because we are bombarded with influences and nothing we do is original, no matter how much we woulds like to believe it is.

~Black Orchid~

THE IMPORTANCE OF REFLECTING

Yesterday I attended one of my Fellowship program's monthly meetings. These meeting can tend to be dreadful because at 5:30pm I have no more brain cells left to discuss "The Art of Cryptology". The meeting yesterday however got the 2006 Cohort together to reflect on the past 4 years. At the meeting an envelope with my hand writing and dated 6/3/06 was handed to me. Apparently four years ago on the 1st day my cohort assembled together we were given the task of writing letters to yourself about what we anticipate professionally in the years to come. My letter read as follow:

6/3/06

Dear S********,

This has been a very interesting day to say the least. I am very excited to see what the year ahead holds (God permitting). During this period I hope for great things. Outside of MfA and school I hope to have a "special someone", but enough about that. In reference to my professional life I hope I acquire the confidence I know I will need to be an exquisite teacher. I hope to get good grades in all of my classes and build and maintain a network of friends t o last a lifetime ( regardless of how little we have in common).

Within a year I hope to be very optimistic about the path I have chosen. I need to feel that I can do this. I know that the training and support I receive from MfA and Columbia's Teacher's College will help with this so I welcome it.

Lastly, I hope to teach at a school that I am proud to say I teach at. I hope to be excited and eager to start the educating process.

Kisses

S***********

[ Oh Lord, Please let the 1st one come true]

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After reading my letter I couldn't stop laughing. There was definitely a sense of uncertainty about the career path I had chosen and I really wanted to excel in it. I also love how I added that I wanted a "special someone". Thankfully four years later He has answered my prayers....lol.

As funny as this letter was it really helped me question my goals and reevaluate my career over the past 4 years. I have definitely achieved all that I set out to do, but there are new things I need to work on. At the end of this school year I will complete another reflection letter which I will open at the end of the school year next year.

Have you ever written yourself a reflection letter? If so how was the experience? If you haven't I challenge you to do so. It allows us to see how we have grown in our personal and professional lives. Take the time and write about where you are now and where you would like to be in a set time frame. Maybe it is something you can do with your family or friends. It really is an eye opening experience.

Lots Of Love

~Black Orchid~

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I'VE FALLEN OFF THE WAGON

You know how they say "No news is good news", well I think it's a lie! No news means you're hiding something. It seem that I have something in common with Lindsay, Whitney and Amy Winehouse and I have a confession to make. On May 18th I broke my spending freeze and purchased an item. I started my day like any other but somehow I found my way to Gilt (how fitting) and before I knew it my act of shame had been committed. I have experienced such guilt that I have not even looked at my blog as I felt such shame. It's crazy because I missed so many aspects of blogging including visiting my friend's blog but I felt that if I visited someone else's blog my secret would come to light. As of today I am totally at peace with my spending as I think 4.5 months of not shopping was pretty impressive. That being said, I think the entire experience has been eye opening and I have learned so much about myself. I plan on going on a much longer spending freeze in july which I hope takes me into the following next year.

I can finally visit a few of my favorite blogs and not feel any shame. I am thankful to all of you for your encouragement when I was on the ledge because I wouldn't have made it to 4.5 months without you.

It feels so good to be back.

~Black Orchid~